but is He willing? and am i?

my Jesus moment was from Luke 11:14-36.. i felt pretty confused and not at all focused.. there was this mute demon, cryptic talk about demons in a heart that was like a cleaned house, the sign of jonah, and the lamp of the body talk... it just seemed so choppy.. like someone just trying to take down all these random conversations He had with a bunch of random people all at one time...

the one thing that really struck me from this passage was this interjection when a woman called out from the crowd, "blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you." and He actually gives her the time of day by responding, "blessed rather are those who hear the word of God an obey it." slam. i don't know why He has always seemed so harsh & cold to me.. i always had the sense that someone took a chance to say something and He just shot it down with His strange prophetic words. and yet, it was a clue.. we're on the right path.. obedience..

as for me, my day was strange... i felt shaky, like i had too much sugar and not enough sleep.. hyper and not-focused.. mind spinning a lot. i'm exhausted now. feeling the daunting task of tomorrow with all it's activities & the flurry of people i will encounter to be overwhelming to think about.

there is a difference, though. subtle, but constant, all day.. a new something.. do you sense it too? something in the air i was breathing, almost.. a peace.. a curiousness.. a hope, almost. i think it was that i didn't feel condemned to a fate of never changing, of staying in my rut forever.. i've always known that He is strong enough to save, but have always wanted to know, "is He willing?" and for once i knew the answer was, "yes." and it's been a captivating experience.

tonight ended up not being the quiet night i expected b/c when i came home i found that my sister was home. after all our patchy trying to catch up i tried to explain to her this.. this.. i don't know, i tried to explain to her about living the Jesus life.. she gave me a smile i couldn't immediately place.. "it sounds so cliche" and it did. and i realized that i couldn't explain it. there were no new words.. just a new what is it? i am at such a loss to express..

but one of her best friends from school accepted Christ tonight.... ah the rejoicing!!! the hope, the future... paralleled.. on that path of great adventure.. i suppose i should write more when i'm more lucid. perhaps all this cloudy thought is good.. there is no capability for boasting... everything is still yet so confusing.. i am still left hanging, wondering, waiting, breath held, anticipatory waiting.. wanting.. till tomorrow.. er today? how goes it on your side, daniel?