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Tuesday, June 25, 2002
not just able
Today at Orsil chapel I heard about the feeding of the five thousand again (heard about it last night as well.) Today's slant just really hit home for me. Suddenly, I was a disciple, incredulously walking around with one of those baskets of bread. I could feel my cheeks getting hot, and not just because of the late-day sun, but rather out of that anxious embarassment at trying to pass out food when the masses went on forever around me. And then passing out the bread, and seeing the pile shrinking in direct proportion to my growing anxiety.. and me trying to quell the mess of negative thoughts swirling in my head. and then suddenly i notice what i had stopped noticing as i was internally grumbling & externally going through the motions of giving out bread-- the pile has ceased to diminish. it looks so weird, because i'm walking and picking up bread, but overall the bread level is not clearing so that i can see the bottom of the basket.. and i'm almost in a trance now, everything seems slowed around me as i am witnessing the miracle.. and i've given to hundreds of people now.. what the...? and i kind of turn back to look at Jesus, and He's far away, but He sees me too, and it's that moment, like the one I had that other time, and somehow I hear Him speaking to my heart, and i turn around and go back to giving out the bread.
and with each piece of bread i take out of that basket, as i give it to another person, i hear the word, "I am willing." over and over, bread after bread, "I am willing, I am willing, I am willing, I am willing, I am willing...." and He's using me too..
Since they say that many situations are just a matter of perspective, here is what Piper said to a bunch of missionaries regarding risk for God's glory:
"They can only kill you."
And yeah really, what is the worst thing that people can do to you?
Friday, June 21, 2002
So I don't really know who all is following this site, but I wanted to do a real welcome to say that if anyone really wants to live out theJesusLife and post their thoughts, falls, elations, etc.. just email me. Assuming you're legit in your desire, I'll put you on. This wasn't meant to be a private posting place for Daniel & me.
Wednesday, June 19, 2002
"has been pleased"
my reading yesterday came from luke 12:13-53.. and i found it so stunningly appropriate to my life and my lately-realizings of my true views of money. as i am trying to move into this supporting myself phase of life, i have become quite quite worried about it all the time. and Jesus says to not do that. the words about God caring more for birds & lillies was so much more meaningful to me this time around. but even better was this remarkable tidbit i found. it was another one of those "i must have seen it before b/c i've read this passage a gazillion times, but i think i have just now *seen* it" moments. it actually comes right before the verse daniel quoted below, it is vs. 32 "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom." the entire passage seems to be about trust. do we really trust Him? and it returns to my question before, not about His capability for providing, but His desire.
if i had been with Jesus i would have broke down crying because He hit it right on the head. this verse hit on my key insecurity. does the Father really *want* to provide everything for me? isn't He tired of it? i am mucking around trying to scrap up pennies for myself, when He owns everything.. but does He want to give it to me? and this sentence, not referring just to money but to true wealth, a legacy of all His riches-- a family title, all that is involved with the acceptance of the one Perfect Father to His imperfect children.
this whole experiment has got me limping, not off and running. i am a slow learner with much distance to go. but as a book i read to priscilla yesterday says, to be wise i've got to listen and listen well.
Monday, June 17, 2002
Luke 12:33 "Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves money belts which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys."
read this article ppl. The Singer Sollution to World Poverty.
NDESTRUKT X: i don't usually get avid about those ideals
NDESTRUKT X: because it's all just utopia
NDESTRUKT X: i dont' have a problem of donating money and time
NDESTRUKT X: but i don't make a huge deal of telling everyone to do it
NDESTRUKT X: cuz out of 100 peopel you tell to do it
NDESTRUKT X: only probably 20 or less will really wanna
NDESTRUKT X: sad sad
dude I'm telling you guys.. if 20 ppl do it? Dang that would be crazy school. I would tell a ton more ppl to do it. The problem is, I don't know if I could. If I had 200 bucks would it go to the poor? I seriously doubt that. I'd buy a game cube or guitar amp or something with it. I very seriously doubt it will go to the poor. I'm thinking about this a lot since I'm going to HK. Well catch ya all later. Tomorrow I'm going to STP summer training program with navs for 2 weeks. after that I'm going on a family vacation.. and then HK missions trip. I'll be back august 12th. good luck all. I won't be seeing you any time soon! hahah pray for me!
Thursday, June 06, 2002
on earth as it is in heaven
yesterday i was thinking again about the phrase "on earth as it is in heaven." i had read somewhere once that all too often we flip it around and expect God to act in heaven as it is on earth. i have been catching a lot of that wrong-way thinking lately... i muck something up and ask aloud, "Lord, if i ask You to forgive me right now, would You *really* do it, no questions asked? would You believe me, even beyond my honest realizations that i will probably mess up again, even unintentially?" and i find myself not really believing that He really forgives without having that sour aftertaste or begrudging hurt.. and see, i think that, because i know myself and figure that if someone repeatedly hurt me over and over like i hurt Him, i would feel skeptical & suspicious & desiring to buffer myself from further hurt because... thus is human nature. but God isn't bound by human nature. Jesus, even as a man, was not bound by His humanity in that way.
but i find it hard to accept just as i have learned to never believe that something that sounds too good to be true would actually be so.. and haven't we learned that well? freebies always have a catch and so here we wait for the "catch"... that is certainly part of the reason why God's free gift is so neglected by the general public. all "street smart" people know that you just can't trust something that sounds unrealistically good. and by realistic that means tracking with all we've experienced in our lives.. which is pain, and rejection, and being taken advantage of, or used or manipulated... even by those we love tremendously, or who we know love us.
and so it is difficult to jump our own logic into the realm of faith in something truly unseen. we may see glimpses of kindness reminiscent of God, but it is only as a reflection, as I Corin says... someday we shall see Goodness face to face. the question is: will we believe now in the Hoped for and enjoy the riches of obedience in the present age? or just bow compulsoraly with all of creation at the end because what is true remains true?
and from hebrews 11, (if i recall correctly) "faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see..."
Wednesday, June 05, 2002
the jesus life church
daniel, mary ann gave me an idea. you know how we were talking about the jesus life type church lifestyle? and all that stuff about friends versus just co-workers? why don't we try it next fall? at least once, we could invite a bunch of our friends and experiment one sunday on a jesus life service. we could go out somewhere and put out picnic blankets and learn together... i picture it kinda like the mt. solidad worship time we had on easter, except with the addition of a clause where everyone is to bring something.. a verse, a song, to either share with others or lead us all in.. am i making any sense? i think it would be fantabulous... really stretch our imagination & our hearts and freak us out in little ways b/c we'd enjoy it, and yet feel something in us thinking "this can't be 'church'.. it's too unconventional." what says you?
Monday, June 03, 2002
This is my prayer letter for my missions trip to HK
Dear Everyone,
How are you doing? I hope everything is going well. God has been teaching me a lot about his heart for the world outside of San Diego. I have always wanted to live my entire life here in San Diego. San Diego is the best place in the world is it not? I went to Europe and saw that the world is actually a much bigger place than the myopia of San Diego. God has been showing me that although San Diego may be the best place in the world, the best place is not necessarily where God wants me to be. I completely identified with the rich young man in Matthew 19. He held on too tightly to his riches and missed out on the kingdom of God. Many college students go on a short-term mission trip but I have never been interested in doing that. Somehow God has changed my heart during this past year. I began to pray for opportunities for this summer. This opportunity presented itself as a short-term missions trip with OMF International in Hong Kong.
While in Hong Kong, I will be teaching English to Chinese students and interacting with them through games and sports. It is a six week missions project from July 8th to August 12th. We will have opportunities to share our testimony and work with a local church.
Prayer is important and there may be a lot of spiritual warfare. It would be great if you could pray for me regularly while I am in Hong Kong. Pray that I would be constantly seeking God through his word. Pray that I would learn God’s compassion and mad love for his people. Pray also that I would be humble and open to what God would want to teach me. Pray that I will enjoy a good relationship with my teammates and team leaders. Pray that God would be glorified in Hong Kong this summer.
Of course there is the financial support portion of this letter. I need to raise $2,850 to cover the cost of this trip. If you feel burdened to help me out financially, please make checks payable to “OMF International” and write “Serve Asia-Daniel Lowe” in the memo line. You will be sent a tax-deductible receipt from OMF, and donations are non-returnable. Send to: OMF International, Attn: Rudolf Mak, 1605 Elizabeth Street, Pasadena, CA 91104.
I will keep you guys posted on what happens in Hong Kong. Let me know how I can pray for you too!
Thanks for reading!
Daniel
Sunday, June 02, 2002
Hahaha the disciples were freaken out alright. Do ya know why? hahah cuz of the Jesus life. hahaha.
Ever wonder what non christians think when we say "God lives through me?" I would imagine they would chalk it up to Christian jargon, which is true. They understand the word God. They understand that that gives it religious implications. They don't understand religion. They understand the word lives. They understand the word through and they understand the word me. They kinda get a vague conception if what those words mean together. But really, they don't actually know what we mean. Even if we explain it to them, they may kinda understand it, but not really. When they become a christian, then is when they fully begin to appreciate what that means.
Thats the way I think we approach the bible. Some of the phrases like , "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up" we understand the words, we kinda get a sense of what the statement means. Humble, opposite of proud. Okay basically don't be proud. It is good not to be proud. But we don't really understand the fullness and true meaning behind those words until we see it lived out. The bible is totally like that. There are so many concepts in the gospels about the way that jesus lived, they aren't taught in church. We don't understand the meanings of the words, we gloss over them and don't realize how totally radical those words are.
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